Ars Amatoria
by sunaprincess7
Summary: And if Nature has withheld from you the sensation of pleasure, then teach your lips to lie and say you feel it all." Shikatema fluff.


Hey guys!

Completely pointless one-shot whilst I'm in the throes of the next Slave Chapter. Beware of slight fluff- I admit it! And complete and utter futility.

I would appreciate reviews if you could :) Always gives me a little warming glow.

Hope you all enjoy- finished this at 3.30am, so I'm not positive that I'm sane right now, but this is based on a real life experience of a male friend of mine, so hopefully I've captured it realistically! lol

Title and quote in summary from Ovid's Ars Amatoria.

Review!

SP7

* * *

Shikamaru wondered if the clouds had always looked this white and fluffy.

They probably had, but there was just something...different about them today. There was something different about everything today.

The air was warmer.

The trees were greener.

And the sky was bluer.

Everything seemed to have taken on a rose-tinted glow.

_Not_ that last night had anything to do with it. Last night had purely been a happening in his life that he wasn't going to think about constantly or talk over with everyone he met, like Naruto. He wasn't going to pretend that it was a life-changing event. It wasn't. It had simply happened. Like everything else was happening today.

In general, life would continue on as normal. But maybe with a few added benefits in between times.

Shikamaru sighed. If it was nothing why couldn't he bloody stop thinking about it?

He heard footsteps on the grass behind him.

He hoped it was her.

Then he heard a bounce in the steps. No, not her.

Ino.

For some reason, he wasn't so perturbed to see Ino today. She seemed like a good person to have around at a time like this; when everything was rose-tinted.

But maybe not. What was the etiquette where a situation like this was in play?

Was he allowed to tell? He was fairly sure he wasn't. But then Ino had a sixth sense about these kinds of things.

If Ino asked him, he couldn't lie. She was his teammate and friend. To lie to her would be to betray her and her confidence.

And besides, if he didn't tell someone soon he was going to explode. He was sure of it.

But then if he did tell, he might die. That was pretty certain, too.

"Hey," Ino said brightly, bouncing down on the grass beside him. "How's things?"

There were a million answers Shikamaru could give to that.

Things were....

Fine.

Wonderful.

Crazy.

Slightly odd and unsettling.

....troublesome.

In the end, he went with good.

"Good," he replied as nonchalantly as he could manage, trying to look sideways to see Ino's expression as subtly as possible.

Her face had broken into a feral grin and she was laughing quietly to herself.

He sighed.

"I gave myself away that easily?" he asked her, inwardly berating himself. Now, it was definitely his fault.

Ino smiled happily down on him.

"Things are never 'good' with you, Shikamaru- they are always 'troublesome'," the blonde replied joyfully, ruffling his hair in an annoying manner.

Shikamaru chose to say nothing for fear of incriminating himself further.

"So...eh..." Ino began carefully, as Shikamaru could tell she was trying not to annoy him. Uncharacteristic for Ino but he appreciated her delicacy all the same. "How was it?"

He couldn't help it as his mouth twisted into a small smile.

"That good, huh?" Ino chuckled, as Shikamaru was fairly sure that he was now grinning to a startling degree.

He nodded, not trusting his own mouth to give a coherent answer that wouldn't end up with him dead.

Shikamaru was pretty sure that the sun was now shining unnaturally brightly.

"I'm for happy you, Shikamaru," his friend said warm-heartedly, patting him on the shoulder. "I think you two will be very happy together."

He nodded again and Ino laughed.

That only made him smile harder.

Goddammit, what was with his mouth today? No matter what he did, he just couldn't stop smiling.

"_You luuurrrvveee her, you want to marry her, you want to..."_

Ino's melodic singing complete with dance routine was cut offwhenever Shikamaru gave her a small shove. He had attempted to quell the burning sensation in his stomach when he had realised how much of what she sang was true, and failed miserably. So the easiest solution was to shut her up.

"So, come on..." Ino said slyly, now back to her usual prying self, "details...." she finished, winking cheekily.

He shook his head before deciding that this was the right time to make his voice known.

"Sorry," he choked out, his vocal chords not used to having spoken much since this morning. "Can't."

Ino laughed again.

Maybe it just wasn't him. Maybe everyone was finding things funny today.

"Don't worry, I get it," she said knowingly, brushing her fingers through her hair. "You're not allowed to tell," Ino went on sweetly, assuring Shikamaru that this was not over yet.... "But, there is a rule known...between girls, that is...that a boy _is_ allowed to tell his best friend," she continued persuasively, as Shikamaru raised his eyebrows in interest. He had not heard of this rule. He wondered if Temari had. "_And_, since Choji is away on a mission...well, that makes me your default best friend."

Shikamaru remained mute for a moment thinking this 'rule' through. Altogether, it seemed like an unlikely circumstance that such a rule would exist. Shikamaru seemed to recall an unfortunate event regarding Hinata, Naruto and a very disgruntled Neji- and he wasn't even sure that it concerned an issue as far gone as this one.

However...Choji had..._confided_...in Shikamaru as to the 'developing' nature of his relationship with Ino- and well, Ino hadn't killed him yet. In fact, she seemed to be encouraging the use of said rule.

On the other hand, Ino was not Temari. Nor was she Choji. Nor did she have two brothers, one pathologically insane and the other, certifiably sadistic.

But what Ino did have was the biggest mouth in Konoha.

Shikamaru felt his fingers itching.

Yes, he loved Temari.

But he also respected her. He didn't want her to stop trusting him. It had taken long enough to earn that trust and well....now that he had it, he didn't want to lose it.

Not to mention the fact that she'd probably view it as a slight against her reputation as a kunoichi if everyone in Konoha started talking about her private life. She was a private person. She barely told him anything. There was no way she would want him telling anyone else.

No...he didn't want her to regret sleeping with him. He wanted her to be happy about it...like he was.

"Sorry," he said again, his voice coming out a little more clearly this time, "I doubt Temari would be very happy if I told, Ino. She's troublesome enough as it is without giving her an actual reason to be ticked off," Shikamaru finished, looking back to the clouds; still as bright as they were before.

He was quite happy with himself if he was honest. He had decided that it would be a good thing to keep the closeness between himself and Temari private.

Everyone in Konoha was aware of Kiba's exploits and the girls who had taken part in them with him. Everyone was aware of Jiraiya's adventures; Kakashi's conquests and even most people had heard what had gone on between Ino and Choji.

Yet no one had known the exact status of Kurenai's and Asuma's relationship. It had been private. And for some reason that seemed so much more special than any of the other fleeting liaisons that the rest of the village engaged in.

He wanted their relationship to be like that.

At the same time as he was thinking these thoughts, Shikamaru was wondering where this sudden surge of manly pride to protect Temari had come from.

Previously to this...experience...he had only ever wanted to protect Temari due to a need to 'one-up' her. But now, he had a feeling that if Kiba made one more suggestive remark about her he was going to kage neck bind him.

No, telling was definitely not a good idea.

"Pleeeaassseeee," Ino whined, now pouting down to him. "I won't tell anyone!" she moaned on, shoving his shoulder in annoyance.

Shikamaru shook his head again.

"It's _private_," he said firmly, wondering when Ino was planning to go away. He hated when Choji was on missions. Now that they were officially an item, whenever it was the three of them together, Ino only bugged Choji incessantly. Which worked out well for all three of them. Ino got to feel motherly, Choji felt fawned over and Shikamaru felt undisturbed.

However, Ino's motherly instincts didn't go away when Choji did. They reverted onto him. Which was annoying as hell. Especially when he had other things to...reminisce over.

Ino huffed audibly, folding her arms and turning away.

"That's fine," she said quietly, and Shikamaru couldn't work out whether or not she was annoyed because he wouldn't confide in her, or annoyed because she wouldn't have the latest scoop.

"I mean..." she began slowly, "I only wanted to help."

Coercion would not work.

"But...well...she probably wouldn't lie about..._that_," she went on matter-of-factly, now twisting her hair again.

"Lie about what?" Shikamaru asked irritably, still not entirely interested.

"Oh don't get so annoyed!" Ino said sweetly, now rubbing his shoulder, as Shikamaru shuffled away from her. "I'm not implying that you were...bad, but, well...it _was_ your first time, Shikamaru and..."

"Ino what are you talking about?" Shikamaru cut in, now even more annoyed. He was getting into dangerous territory that he would've liked to avoid.

"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't be so unbelievable that she...well, you know..." she finished bashfully, sighing a little after she finished.

It was times like these that Shikamaru wondered why he was friends with Ino and what could have possibly possessed him to think that she would be a good person to have around at a time like this.

Rose tinted goggles were officially off.

"No, I don't 'know what', Ino," he snapped, hoping that she wouldn't enlighten him and for once take note of his tone.

"I don't mean to annoy you, Shika-kun...but, she probably faked it," Ino whispered, as Shikamaru was a little too caught up in the nickname to digest what she had said.

But it didn't take him long.

"Faked what?" he asked with a little too much innocence and uncertainty for his own liking. He wasn't exactly sure what Ino was getting at. For one, Shikamaru was pretty sure that you couldn't fake sex. And even if you could...well, last night had felt anything but.

Ino chuckled gently.

"Oh sweetie," she said, voice dripping with honey. "_Her orgasm_," she finished patronizingly, ruffling his hair again, as Shikamaru tried to stop himself from choking. For two reasons mainly; the first being that _that_ thought about...Temari...enjoying it...had completely escaped him and secondly, Ino had just said orgasm. That was new.

He turned to face Ino, who was wearing the feral expression of a triumphant woman.

She had won.

He couldn't _not_ ask now....if he didn't then there might not be a repeat of last night and he would have to go seeking advice anyways....which would lead to everyone knowing either way.

Ino had trapped him and he hadn't even attempted to stop her. He knew that dangerous feeling in his stomach was attempting to alert him to something.

Shikamaru sighed.

There was no alternative.

"Y-y-you can do that?" he asked tentatively, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Ino laughed again and nodded.

"Don't feel too bad, Shikamaru," she began, smiling at him with that same patronizing expression. "_Everyone_ does it. And well...Temari's more experienced than you anyways, so she's probably good at pretending..." Ino drifted off dreamily but with a hint of a suggestion in there.

"How...how can you tell...if she's pretending that is?" Shikamaru queried, still feeling stupid and inexperienced and missing the manly pride from earlier.

"Well...was she 'ooing' and 'aahing' a lot and making a lot of noise, near to the end?"

Shit.

Obviously seeing the expression on his face, Ino gave him a sympathetic one armed hug.

"Oh, Shika," she said caringly, and trying to be loving. In all honesty it was just making him feel worse.

"But- but _why?"_ he burst out unintentionally, still shocked at the injustice of it all. "Why would she do that? Why wouldn't she just tell me?"

"She probably didn't want to hurt your feelings, darling," Ino replied lovingly, her arm still rubbing at his as Shikamaru couldn't even bear to look up. He didn't want to see how dull the clouds were now.

"I mean, she seemed like she enjoyed it," he mumbled on, still thinking things over in his head; now analysing every detail of what had transpired the previous evening.

"Well, she probably did," Ino responded optimistically, "how long did it last for?"

"It seemed like..." Shikamaru started, before droning off. Ignoring the information grabbing nature of Ino's question, he tried to remember.

It had lasted for a good while....

Hadn't it?

He was almost sure that...

"It felt like a while..." he said dejectedly, having trouble remembering the exact time limit. Now that he actually needed to recall anything about the incident, he was drawing a complete blank. This was beyond troublesome.

"Well _of course_ it did to you, Shika!" Ino shrieked, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "But it's different for girls...especially Temari. She's probably used to it lasting for _hours_," she finished dramatically.

Shikamaru tried hard not to hit himself there and then.

He had told himself that he should have planned it out. Down to the last movement. Researched things...diagrams and information that would have left him with _no doubt_ as to whether or not Temari enjoyed it.

But some stupid, not often present, poetic voice in his head had told him that it would be more romantic if he had just left everything to spontaneity.

What had happened to him?

He wasn't Naruto.

He strategized everything meticulously and the one time when the 'mission' truly mattered to him...where he really wanted a one hundred percent report mark...he had left it up to chance.

He was a fool and an idiot and if Temari never slept with him again he probably deserved it.

Except that he did want Temari to sleep with him again. Even if she had hated it...it had still meant something to him. But as Ino so persuasively pointed out...it was _different_ for girls.

"Are you okay?" came Ino's voice drifting through the abyss.

Shikamaru tried to speak and found he couldn't.

"Oh darling!" Ino said vividly. "Look, it's not all bad!" she mitigated horribly, now springing into action mode; fully poised on her knees with her hands everywhere. "We'll get you help! We'll get someone who _knows_ about these things...now, Kakashi's out with Choji...hmmmm....wait here!" she finished pointedly, slapping him on the head several times in an obvious attempt to get him to stay put.

Shikamaru wasn't sure how much time had passed before he heard another set of footsteps traipsing up the hill.

No bounce...not Ino.

But rather a...swaggering step.

He groaned.

She had sent Kiba.

"What's up?" Kiba said nonchalantly, swinging his weight down to the grass beside Shikamaru.

Shikamaru looked at him expectantly, waiting for the life changing epiphany that would ensure that Temari would never regret sleeping with him again.

"What?" Kiba said after a moment, looking slightly put out by the staring.

"Aren't you going to...you know..." Shikamaru began uncertain of how to begin this particular conversation. He wasn't particularly close to Kiba bar the occasional drunken night out.

"I know nothing, dude," Kiba replied, holding his hands up, "Ino just said I should come talk to you."

Shikamaru groaned. Why did Ino never make things easy for him?

"So....what do you wanna talk about?" he asked again, now with slight curiosity as he had obviously heard Shikamaru's groan.

He decided that there was no point delaying the inevitable. He was going to have to swallow his pride. Yes, Kiba would probably tell everyone, but if he wanted privacy there was only one person to talk to....his dad. And right now Shikamaru was choosing delayed public shaming over instant mortification.

"Well....last night..." Shikamaru began, feeling his face redden.

"Say no more, dude," Kiba cut in grinning unabashedly. "You screwed her. Finally!" he said excitedly holding his hand up for a high five, as Shikamaru curled his hands into fists, resisting the urge to pummel him. He could do it after. "Soooo...what was she like? Was she loud? She seems like a screamer...I bet..."

"Kiba!" Shikamaru cut in sharply, grinding his hands into the ground. "That's _not_ what I wanted to discuss," he said in a measured tone, "I wanted to ask you...if...if..."

"You want to know if you fucked her right," Kiba said bluntly, scratching the back of his and yawning.

"Yes," he breathed, his restraint tested immeasurably, but still grateful for the fact that Kiba had saved him he awkwardness of having to explain. "How'd you know?"

"Everybody does," the dog lover replied simply, shrugging his shoulders. "Natural for first timers to be a bit insecure."

That made him feel slightly better.

"Hell, even I went down on the girl afterwards just to make sure...."

Shikamaru was this close to banging his head into the grass.

He did not need to know that.

"So...come on....what did you do?" he asked probingly.

"We had sex," Shikamaru replied, wondering how Kiba could have mistaken his meaning.

Kiba rolled his eyes.

"_I know that_," he said impatiently. "I wanna know what all you did...to, you know...satisfy her," he finished grinning dirtily.

Shikamaru rubbed his eyes.

He had been thinking whilst alone and had found out one thing about his first time. Which was that when pressed he couldn't remember a thing about it.

"I can't remember," he mumbled, feeling more than mortified and hoping against all odds that Kiba wouldn't go and sleep with Temari now.

"Awh, dude...it was that fast?"

Shikamaru groaned loudly in frustration.

Kiba sighed.

"Look, if you can't remember then there's not much I can tell you. You're just gonna have to ask her," he said realistically.

The dreaded truth.

"Don't get too down on yourself, dude. She doesn't seem like the type to fake it. Chances are, if she didn't like it, she would have said," Kiba went on reassuringly.

That was something.

Temari was never known for attempting to spare his feelings in the past.

"Thanks," Shikamaru said quietly. At least he had gotten some advice.

"Don't worry about it," Kiba said kindly, stretching out on the lawn. "Like I said...you're not gonna be perfect first time."

Shikamaru nodded.

"I think I saw her standing outside the Hokage's building," Kiba said meaningfully, giving him a slight nudge in the ribs.

Sighing, Shikamaru stood up resolutely. No time like the present.

* * *

Walking lazily down the hill, through the village and towards the Hokage's building, Shikamaru pondered if he was actually walking towards the end of his relationship.

He was broken out of his reverie however, when he heard incessantly whispering voices coming from down the alleyway to the side of the building. Glancing in, he stopped walking suddenly when he saw that it was Temari and Sakura. Only Temari was looking quite annoyed and frantic and Sakura was standing there with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Temari, calm down," Sakura said gently, leaning back against the wall. "You're really overreacting, you know."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Sakura," Temari spat with venom, as Shikamaru was surprised that Sakura didn't receive a face wound for that remark. "It was his _first time._ His. First. Time!" she continued, prodding Sakura in the chest vigorously. "And he's like that?! Stop lying to me! Who else has he slept with?! Was it Ino? I swear to Kami if it's her, I'll kill him!"

Slightly startled at Temari's assumption, Shikamaru had to press his feet into the ground to stop him from going into the alleyway to correct her.

Ino?

Was she insane?

"Temari!" Sakura interrupted incredulously. "He's not lying to you. Neither am I. Look, Shikamaru's not like Kiba. He wouldn't lie to you and he hasn't been sleeping around. You really were his first," she finished reassuringly, patting Temari on the shoulder firmly.

"Then...then why...how?" Temari began desperately. "How did he know...how was he...how was he _that _good?" she finished unhappily, turning to face the opposite wall in frustration.

Sakura laughed as Shikamaru's eyes widened in shock and his stomach jumped pleasurably.

He was good?

"I don't know why you're so bothered about that, Temari. I'd be celebrating if I were you," she said cheekily. "He was that good?" Sakura asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

Temari nodded mutely.

"So, you did....?"

Another nod.

"How many times?"

"I can't remember..."Temari said unhappily, rubbing her head in her hands.

Sakura laughed again.

"I mean, I didn't even have to help him find the....Oh, fuck it! Sakura, please. You would tell me right? If he had...it could be that little fucker from the code-breaking department, she's always drooling over him. I'll snap it off...I swear I will...."

Okay, now she was definitely insane.

"Temari! Trust me! I would tell you!" Sakura said through her laughter. "And believe me...nothing will happen with that stick. If he enjoyed it as much as you did, I doubt he's going anywhere."

"I wouldn't know," Temari said lowly. "I was barely conscious half an hour in," she finished, scratching the wall distractedly.

"So, you've been avoiding him ever since last night?" Sakura asked seriously.

"Yeah," Temari breathed sounding distressed. "I'm not sure I want to know the truth. Not from him anyways."

"He hasn't been lying to you," Sakura responded, sounding exasperated. "And you need to stop avoiding him. He's probably feeling a bit insecure about himself right now."

Hoping that not everyone would know that, Shikamaru was reassured when Temari appeared surprised, her eyebrows lifted in shock.

"Why are you so surprised?" Sakura asked knowingly. "After Naruto's first time, he dragged Kiba into Ichiraku's for three hours and wouldn't let him leave until he was sure he hadn't hurt Hinata," she finished, smiling fondly.

"That's kind of sweet," Temari admitted reluctantly, folding her arms. "He says he loves me," she added quietly.

"Of course he does!" Sakura replied, smiling reassuringly, as Shikamaru decided against going into the alleyway to hold her and show her how much. "That boy has been so hung up on you that I doubt even the clouds see him when you're in town. Everyone here knows that there's no point in trying to get Shikamaru to do anything whilst you're here," she continued fondly. "Stop trying to reason your way out of everything and ask yourself how you are feeling."

Temari looked thoughtful for a moment, leaning against the wall now and gazing towards the sky.

"I feel...I feel like I want to make him dinner," she said oddly, smiling weakly.

Sakura chuckled.

"I _never_ want to make anyone dinner. Except maybe Gaara. When he's stressed," Temari added doubtfully, as Sakura's grin widened.

"_You luuurrrveee him, you want to marry him, you want his babies..._." she sang until Temari shoved her in the shoulder roughly.

"Shut up!" she whispered, embarrassed. "If you ever tell him that I will kill you!" she hissed, her cheeks tinged with a blush.

Now grinning to an alarming degree, Shikamaru decided that walking past this alleyway was the best decision he had ever made.

"My lips are sealed," Sakura grinned, winking at her. "Soooo..." she went on happily, "it's getting near dinner time."

Temari sighed irritably.

"Why did I tell you?"

"Because Tenten's too busy trying to help Neji find her g-spot," Sakura said dirtily, sticking her tongue out. "Now shoo! Lover boy deserves a nice big meal for all of his hard work last night."

Temari mumbled in acceptance, standing up and brushing down her clothes, as she made her way out of the alleyway.

"He likes tempura mackerel, by the way!" Sakura shouted after her.

"Well, that's hardly healthy," Temari muttered, fussing over her obi. "Sincerely doubt that it helps him think at all...probably makes him lazier," she continued distractedly, as she turned out to the right and walked down the street towards her apartment.

Shikamaru doubted that the grin he had been sporting earlier was anything compared to the one tainting his face right now.

"Well, look at that..." came Sakura's voice as Shikamaru jumped to see her standing beside him. "She's already mothering you," she laughed, looking after Temari.

"...thanks," Shikamaru said awkwardly, wondering how the day would have turned out if Temari had sought out someone thoroughly less sensible than Sakura.

"No problem," Sakura said smiling, "I had a feeling that Ino-pig would have found you out today purely to make you suffer, so I thought I'd take some preventative measures."

"Ino did that on purpose?!" Shikamaru asked in disbelief, not even bothering to specify his ex-friends crimes.

Sakura nodded knowingly.

"Troublesome, troublesome, venomous woman," Shikamaru said with relish, thinking of how this whole fiasco could have been avoided and his beloved privacy could have been preserved.

"Oh, she does it with love," Sakura said lackadaisically, "she probably wanted to make sure that Temari didn't leave you for being bad in bed."

"Hmmmm...." was Shikamaru's only audible reply, as he internally wondered if the ends justified the means.

"You should go to see her, by the way," Sakura added abruptly. "She's probably launching a search party for Shiho as we speak," she said laughing deftly.

"Right," Shikamaru replied distractedly, not really caring if Temari destroyed Shiho. She could do that as long as she made him dinner first.

He began walking away when a thought hit him.

"Sakura?" he called, turning around to face the pink-haired kunoichi.

"Mmmm?"

"Do you think I should get a ring?"

"Seems like a good idea, Shikamaru," she responded, grinning meaningfully.

"Right," he said again, thinking that for the rest of his life he was going to disregard anything Ino had to say ever, give Kiba a bit more credit and go straight to Sakura whenever he mistakenly listened to anything Ino had to say.

"She'll say 'yes', right?" he asked suddenly, doubt creeping over his mind.

Sakura nodded suggestively.

"Oh, Shikamaru, I'm sure you can think of a few ways to get _that_ particular response out of her," she said smirking audaciously and waving him goodbye.

Whistling happily as he walked towards the Sunese Apartments, Shikamaru smiled as he saw a familiar rose glow overtake everything he was looking at, including a blonde bunched head, with her hands on her hips and a fire in her eyes.

"Oi! Crybaby! Where the hell have you been? You haven't eaten all day! What sort of ninja are you?!..."

And it wasn't going away.


End file.
